Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
