I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
