ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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