So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
