I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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