If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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