The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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