The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
