Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
