If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
