You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
