And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
