I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
