I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
