My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He felt like a one man threesome
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
