Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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