I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
