I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Please don't give away my fajitas
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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