Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
