i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
