You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
