laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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