you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
