I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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