I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
