i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Im part way to drunk.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
