where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
wow bdsm is so cute
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