Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
