I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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