are you so shy because you have an std?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
