I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
