we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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