If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
