Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
