Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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