There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
