At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
