I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
