i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
