Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
40s are totally the cure
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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