I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
