The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
