Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
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