please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
