Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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