Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
