Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
