About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
