I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
