My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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