My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
