Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
