If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
