I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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