Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
